I don’t like coffee...most of the time

This review was at the invite of Brød Bakery and as such the items were provided complimentary for the purposes of the review. As ever, this does not influence the contents of the review.

For some people, a cup of coffee in the morning is as natural as breathing. Get up, pop on your espresso kettle, fill your cafetierre, load your pod or grab a Costalottabucks in your totes ethical travel mug.  Growing up, I remember my nonna’s house filled with the smell of Lavazza, the hum of the espresso kettle and that warming smell of the pot brewing, filling the air. There’s just one problem.

I don’t like coffee. 

The real problem with not liking coffee is that everyone who does like it is obsessed with trying to convert you. So yes, I’ve tried it with milk, without milk, with cream and without. I’ve tried it sweetened, with sugar and those godawful flavoured syrups. I’ve even tried those ridiculous Frappuccinos that are the summer equivalent of spiced pumpkin lattes (I’ve even tried those).

I don’t like coffee.

Many cafes, aficionados and baristas have tried various tricks over the years to try and get me to love the bean as much as they do but to no avail. That is until a cheeky DM landed in my inbox this week, Brød, the beloved Danish Bakery on the edge of Pontcanna, has just sourced some Vietnamese coffee and did I fancy coming down to try some. As ever, I patiently trotted out the mantra “I don’t like coffee, I’m happy to recommend other writers who might be more what you’re looking for.” But they’re very persistent, these Danes. They assured me that Vietnamese coffee was a sweeter, less bitter and more rounded flavour, like a dark chocolate or good stout. Plus if I didn’t like it, there were also some delicious pastries there. “Okay, you’re on,” I said, “but if I don’t like it, don’t take it personally. I just don’t like coffee.”

I admit I was a bit nervous. Since opening in 2015, Brød has built up a bit of a cult following around West Cardiff for their breads, pastries and fine coffee. Could I really just waltz in, knowing I probably wouldn’t like something and then end up having to be super polite on social media? What if it was awful?! Oh god, what if they ask me what I think and I’m gagging? Oh god, oh god, oh god.

Also, I wasn’t exactly sure what the hell Vietnamese coffee even was. I lamented on this at work (OH THE TRAVESTY, I’VE BEEN INVITED FOR FREE FOOD. PITY ME!) and helpfully my pal Laura managed not to shiv me for my self-indulgence and explained the drink. Made with robusta coffee beans, this is a French drip filter style, most commonly served with condensed milk and ice to create a very sweet, almost chocolatey beverage. Occasionally it’s also served with an egg yolk, producing a tiramisu effect, or yoghurt. She reassured me that I could probably handle this, due to th sweetened flavour but that it was very strong stuff.

Buoyed by her words, we arrived at Brød where the lovely Aga showed us to our seats before bringing over the French drip filters (£3.20 each) already streaming coffee onto the condensed milk below, and a trio of patisserie filled with jam, apple cinnamon and egg custard (between £2.30-3.00) respectively. She explained that we needed to wait for the filter to finish brewing and then store everything together. When I explained my dilemma in hushed tones, she laughed and suggested maybe I’d like to try it with some ice to bring out the sweet flavours. A glass of ice cubes was duly delivered and we waited for the brew to be ready, adding our ice and swirling the whole concoction to the consistency of a thick milkshake.

Hesitantly, I gave it a good sniff. It certainly smelt like coffee - and strong coffee at that. I took a sip and my brain melted. This was definitely coffee but the flavours were so much more complex. I could taste chocolate, ripe berries, tobacco and honey. I looked at my husband, who looked to be enjoying his, and took another sip. Still my tastebuds insisted that there were vine fruits, cocoa and toasted nuts. I took a bite of the jam pastry, baked that morning and with a good lamination between the layers, then continued to look confused. I don’t like coffee but this, whatever it was, this was different. 

I must admit that after half a cup, I’d had my fill. Was it the taste that finally put me off? No, it was the sheer force of the caffeine combined with that much sugar. I don’t drink a lot of caffeinated drinks and outside of a couple of cups of tea a day and a brief dalliance with Pro Plus at University, I’m just not used to it. My brain was fizzing at a million miles an hour. My husband later told me I was speaking at an even faster speed than normal, which, if you’ve met me, you’ll appreciate is quite an accomplishment. Hell, if I’d drunk any more I’m pretty sure I’d have been able to smell colours and understand string theory,

Aga came to check on us and I explained my confusion and slight headache. She laughed, yes they are indeed strong and she’d had to warn people who taste the sweetness and think nothing of knocking back two. I don’t think my poor heart could cope.

My verdict? I still don’t like coffee, that much hasn’t changed. However, if I was in the area and needed a pick me up, this would definitely get me through whatever the day threw at me and more.