5th Birthday Guest Blog: Megawich - A Recipe (of sorts)

PJ Montgomery is best known as one of the writers on Stiffs, a horror-comedy comic coming later this year from Dead Star Publishing. He also has a regular weekly column for Sidekick Comics, and is a massive geek. He doesn't tend to write about food, and is way out of his depth here.

I’ve been friends with Nicki for a long time now. We’ve known each other through the good times and the bad, and both embarked on careers which allow us to write about the things which we love. So when Nicki was looking for people to write guest posts on this here blog, I felt I was a natural fit.

Then I thought about it. I’m really not a natural fit. At all. I’m not really what you would call a foodie. I don’t write about food. In fact, when it comes to writing, Nicki and I do tend to move in quite different circles. Sure, I’ll tell some lies about Masterchef on Twitter, but ask me to review a restaurant, I’m gonna panic, and I sure as Hell can’t cook (Editor's note: Despite my many offers to teach him!), so sharing a recipe is out of the question. My comfort zone is random articles about superheroes or scripts featuring zombies, talking monkeys and hapless losers. What am I going to contribute to a food blog? Pudding was bloody lovely, but then we were attacked by zombies, type two shamblers with a hankering for flesh which could only be taken out by a head shot followed by dismemberment? Aaaaaaand, I’ve lost you. No, come back! Please!

As a writer, I’m always up for a challenge. I just need to think about that one food based blog I have within. There must be something. I’m getting hungry. Is this what food writing does to you? Oh, wait! There is one thing! I’m not just a writer of comics and funny superhero based musings! I’m also the inventor of the greatest sandwich known to mankind. I call it…

The Megawich!

Hooked you there, eh? Now you want to know more. Well, I shall tell you more. The Megawich! (the exclamation mark is part of the name. Don’t tare type Megawich! without it) began life as a simple waffle sandwich. You know, a potato waffle stuck between two slices of bread. And then, I developed it when I found out that you could get square sausages from Iceland. Fourteen for a pound. Are they healthy and nutritious? No. Don’t be daft. Are they brilliant? Yes. Yes they are. So, join me in the next paragraph, as I explain how to make your very own Megawich!

First, take two slices of bread. Add butter or spread. So far, so traditional. At this point, I add Marmite as well, but that’s a purely optional extra. Next, a couple of slices of chicken. Other meats are available, but they make you a wrong person. You’ve already got pig in this sandwich, you don’t need more. I suppose beef could work, but chicken’s better. I will accept turkey as a substitute. Next put in your cooked square sausage. Add a hot potato waffle, with cheese melted on top. If done correctly, the cheese should be melting through the holes in the waffle onto the sausage. At this point, I recommend adding a sauce of some kind. My usual sauce of choice is barbecue, but Megawiches! have been made with tomato sauce and mayonnaise in the past too. Finally, add another couple of chicken slices on top.

In all its glory (Photo: PJ Montgomery)

And there you have your very own Megawich! They’re great when you’re hungover.

As a side note, I once tried adding a fried egg to the Megawich! It was tasty, but messy. I call this variation, the Uber-Megawich!

Right, I’m off now to write something about Captain America punching Godzilla on the nose. Enjoy your Megawich!